Oh boy!

Welp, figured it's time to dust off this here blog and start documenting a pretty big period in my life.  It's been a crazy few months filled with lots of intense work, my LAST (like ever!) semester of grad school, and a baby on the way!  I always imagined that I'd do weekly surveys to keep track of this special time but that definitely hasn't happened. Better late than never!  Let's start with week 18!

How far along? 19 weeks on Sunday!

Total weight gain/loss: Just about 4 pounds. 

Maternity clothes? Boy are maternity clothes disappointing... I started off strong at about six weeks with some adorable cropped work pants from Gap. Very misleading, everything else I've tried is terrible. So far I'm having the best luck with normal, stretchy clothes. Some maternity jeans are a must though, so the search continues.

Stretch marks? Nope.

Symptoms: Feeling great! I've been pretty lucky. The only issues this week have been lower back pain and an annoying pain in my ribs on the right side when I eat too much. 

Sleep: It seems like I have a great night's sleep every other night. On the off nights I'm tossing and turning or staring at the ceiling.

Best moment this week: Finding out the sex of our little peanut! Christmas eve/day were a close second.

Worst moment of the week: The drive to the ultrasound - let's just say pregnancy brain is in full effect and we won't ever talk about it again, k?

Have you told family and friends: Yes! The hubby tells perfect strangers everywhere we go.

Miss Anything? Champagne. No question. It's just not a holiday party (or hell, a friday night!) without it!

Movement: Not sure. A couple possible kicks here and there.

Food cravings: Up until this week I was having a total aversion to sweets. Those days are definitely gone. All sugar, all day, these days.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope.

Have you started to show yet: Yes! I've had my first couple of strangers asking if I'm expecting. I'm half insulted, half excited!

Gender prediction: Girl! I was sure of it. And it turns out we've got a little boy kicking around in there!

Labor Signs: None.

Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy with a side of emotional!

Looking forward to: Starting on the nursery. I can make some decisions now that we know what we're working with.

12 Years.

What a summer it's been.  My boss, and mentor, of many years unexpectedly passed away and it has turned my life up side down.  I knew she had been battling cancer for the better part of a year but when she returned last fall from a couple of months of intense treatment it didn't seem she wanted to discuss it and it was clear she didn't want to be treated as though she was ill, so I just continued on as things had been before her illness.  Partners in crime, my go-to for all things large and small.  

When she first died, I was consumed with wanting to know exactly what had happened and how she could have died so suddenly.  Did she know she was dying?  If so, why didn't she find a way to say goodbye?  To offer some guidance about how to move on?  I prayed that a card - wrapped in a giant ribbon, the way she always did - would arrive with a perfect note from her.  But time, as it always does, has healed those "wounds."  Two months later, though, I am still having difficulty accepting her death.  There are fleeting moments where my brain can't resolve whether this has all been a dream or not.  And the dreams.  I've always been prone to dreams of people who I see often, but I've been dreaming of her most nights, always trying to work out where she's been, relieved that she didn't really die after all. She was just so alive.  

More than anything, I've been thinking of how special she was to the world.  She was only 42 and had a six year old daughter, and I keep thinking how unfair it is that she had so little time but also how much she did with it.  I've been dumbfounded by the outpouring from the community over her death.  Perfect strangers, who must have no idea how closely we worked together, are still reaching out to me to express their condolences.  Most of them remember her graciousness and poise and her smile that could fill up a room.  A charitable fund was opened in her honor and it's already raised $150,000, a small fortune that will be bestowed upon the nonprofits in the area she most loved.  What I most treasured about her was her desire and ability to nurture talent.  I don't think I'd be the same person without her encouragement and guidance. She brought out the little bit of moxie that was hiding in me. She was generous with praise and often gave me more credit than I was due.  And she wrote so beautifully that I remember thinking the only thing missing from her obituary was her own wordsmithing.   

I can't help but think, if I had only 12 years left what would I make of them?  And if I were gone tomorrow, what would people remember of me?  I hope that they would remember a kind, compassionate and empathetic person, whose heart beat for others.  I've thought a lot about what I learned from this admirable woman and though her gold paperclips and pulled together wardrobe gave us a window into who she was, I want most to embody the way she never worried that letting others shine would diminish her own light.  Rest in peace, Leigh. You lived so beautifully.  

Giving.

Big news in the Bay Area today!  The headlines are abuzz about the $120 million dollar commitment to education in our area by a local philanthropist.  Even though I work in this world, I'm quite surprised by the negative commentary all over the internet, ripe with judgement about where and how the money is intended to be spent and critical of how money on a past project was spent.  I, myself, have been quite excited about this announcement, especially given that I live in the middle of the area we're talking about.  Do I have professional concerns about what that kind of money can do to a community?  Yes.  But do I think it's not worth trying to make a difference?  No!

I have an awesome job.  I think of my work like being a financial advisor – only I get to help people give money away to charities.  It really is the best kind of job, but often people ask me (somewhat jokingly) how they can get on my list!  The truth is, I often have zero say over where a client decides to give.  As long as the law allows it, I can seldom stand in the way of a contribution.  Sometimes I do have doubts.  Maybe I feel there is a more qualified charity doing better work, or maybe the organization has a mission I don’t personally believe in.  Worse yet, maybe it’s an organization I feel is promoting what I view as oppression or bigotry.  Or maybe I have concerns about the style of funding or potential outcomes.

This got me thinking about a class I took in college.  It was your basic sociology 101 but we spent a good amount of time talking about cultural norms in various communities.  The professor posed a question to the class about whether or not we thought it acceptable for a person on welfare to use the money (in part or in whole) to purchase an Escalade.  Most people felt, and my initial reaction, was that it was absolutely not OK!  “How dare they,” we all said!  But the professor persevered until he had swayed at least me that it’s not my place to judge.  You either buy into the concept of welfare or not, he said, and then you must trust the recipient to use the money as they see fit.

I share that story because it’s quite similar to how I feel about my clients.  It’s their choice to give money to charity, and it’s not my place to judge how or to whom they give.  Recently, a client asked me to help with a grant to an international organization that gives cash grants in extremely poor countries.  The organization has no reasonable way of tracking the cash once it’s been distributed, but they fall back on studies that say that people – poor or not – will generally always use money to sustain themselves.  Some of my colleagues had very strong opinions about the legitimacy of this organization and at first I did, too.  But then I thought of the Escalade and my reaction softened.  In a sense, I feel the same way about this announcement. The community isn't due this money - not under our current social contract where money equals power.  It's a gift from the philanthropist, and I hope he'll heed the advice of seasoned professionals and experts, but either way it's his to give.

Is it really my place to judge?  Or is it simply my calling to facilitate?

Williams-Sonoma wasn't lying when they said these are the.best. chocolate chip cookies around!  I needed a little study break this weekend (can we all celebrate that I'm finished with this semester of graduate school!) and spotted this recipe on Pinterest.  Seriously, these are heavenly!

You can follow the recipe here.  I used gluten free flour and I have to rave about that, too! I've always been a huge fan of Pamela's Products.  I use her baking and pancake mix for anything sweet (cookies, cake, and of course pancakes!) and her bread and flour mix for anything bread-y (bread, dough, crusts, etc.).  They've always done me right but I've had one small complaint which is that the pancake mix has almond flour.  I have a bestie who is allergic to nuts.  She loves desserts as much as I do so it's always a bummer when I make something g-free that she can't partake in! Anyway, I noticed at Whole Foods the other day that Pamela's had a new artisan mix (which is nut free), and I've been eager to try it!  On Pamela's website it advertises that the new mix is closer to a cup-for-cup replacement  for wheat flour (meaning you don't have to estimate with the salt and baking soda/powder amounts).  

Well, it's a hit!  The tell tale sign we were onto something is when my husband kept coming back for another spoonful of raw dough.  Even though the finished product is always good, the raw dough isn't always as appealing with g-free flours.  Now will someone please send me an equally delicious oatmeal cookie recipe, please?

Alteration Success.

I wanted to share quick post on an alteration I made to my birthday dress.  I found this dress on Karmaloop on sale for $15!  When it arrived I loved it!  But it was way too short.  I just turned 30, afterall.  I continued to look around for other options but I really loved this dress. So I decided I'd spend a few more dollars at JoAnn to see if I could make it work. The hubby was convinced it wouldn't turn out, so sadly, I didn't bother to document the process.  But since it did turn out, I thought I'd brag to the internets about it instead...  Look, ma!

I sent this before and after to one of my girlfriends and she congratulated on my hard work at the gym.  When I explained that I haven't worked out since January and that I was actually showing her the difference in length, she was very concerned for my health... I'm happy to report I'm going back to my favorite workout, The Dailey Method, at the end of the month!

I Pink I Love You.

This is my favorite nail polish of all time.  If I ever had a 'signature' anything, it's this nail polish.  Annnnd, OPI has discontinued it.  Major bummer!  I learned it had been discontinued about six months ago and since then I haven't been able to find it anywhere for under $30.  I figured better to focus on finding a suitable replacement until a few weeks ago I spotted a very familiar color out of the corner of my eye on an abandoned display at CVS.  There it was - three whole bottles of I Pink I Love You!  For some reason I let my frugality get the better of me, and I only bought two of the bottles.  My husband thinks.I'm.crazy.  Rightfully so!

This was pre finding-the-miracle-bottles so it's only two coats.

This is with my beloved three coats.

I have come to accept that eventually I will run out of my supply.  Any recommendations for a similar color?  What I love about this is that it's opaque with three coats, iridescent rather than flat, and a cool pink.  Tall order!

Birthday, Part II.

At SUR, wearing on the patience of some impromptu but kind photographers.

Well, I can barely remember this trip at this point but I figure you can't leave a part one hanging without a part two!  A few weeks ago I headed to LA with my best girlfriends to celebrate my birthday.  We made it a super quick trip and flew up for just one night.  The time with my girlfriends was the best but I can't say that I fell in love with LA.  

We stayed in West Hollywood at just about the BEST Best Western I've ever seen - seriously, check out the Best Western Plus Sunset Plaza if you're in LA.  It's centrally located, down the street from the Andaz and up the street from The Chateau Marmont and The Standard, but probably half the price per night.  It also has the most darling pool.  

When we arrived we did some window shopping, some bottomless mims (evidence below) and then we rested up for a long night.  We started with cocktails at SUR.  I'm not ashamed to say I was dying to catch my favorite Real Housewife, but no luck.  Next we went to Laurel Hardware for dinner.  The food was delish and I had my first ever Moscow Mule - as an avid soda water drinker how did I ever go so long without having one?!  I think I thought it was like a White Russian.  

Anyway, the night took a turn after dinner.  We asked around about where the hot spots were and we were terribly misadvised to go to Supper Club.  Now there's a Supper Club in SF, but it's nothing like it.  The club was fine inside but it wasn't exactly my scene so we decided to try something else.  Outside, it was like an apocalypse with all these strange characters grabbing at us.  Now, I grew up in San Francisco and I've lived in some shady areas since (in fact, I currently live in a city that was dubbed the murder capital of the country - 20 years ago - it's lovely now!).  Let's just say it definitely wasn't our crowd!

Plenty of time for cab selfies.

Next we tried the Standard Downtown LA.  I'd been to The Standard in Manhattan so I had an idea of what to expect. After 30 minutes in a cab, it was less than we'd hoped for.  The view was nice, though.  We decided to call it a night and when we got back two of my girlfriends surprised me with Cool Ranch Doritos from the vending machine.  And the world was right again.